If Life Were Like Harvest Moon
Episode 1 - Love:
If life were like Harvest Moon, I wouldn't have to worry about things like deal-breakers, bad dates, or finding "Mister Right."
After sifting through the six or eight candidates by looks, choosing a husband is pretty easy.
Bachelor 1 is quiet, reserved, and likes to do things in a more intimate manner. He enjoys art, or star-gazing. You can almost always find him deep in thought.
Bachelor 2 is loud, easily excited, is the best at what he does and you all know it. Watching him swing an axe or a hammer sends chills down your spine.
Bachelor 3 is a bit of a gender bender. He cooks, sews, makes jeweled trinkets or likes to arrange flowers. He connects perfectly with your feminine side and is always there
when you need a shoulder to cry on.
Bachelor 4 doesn't like people. He's really a good guy if you chisel away his rough exterior. After all, he likes animals or devotes his time to things that will make our village/town a better place in the long run.
All of this information is pretty much dropped right on me from the start, so no need to get backgrounds or strike up long conversations with their friends and family. Just walk into their home, loudly announce who I am and wait for them to speak. Unless they're the shy type. Then I'll just wait until they wander off for a family member to whisper what I need to know about them.
Now I'm ready for the hunt.
All I need to do is figure out what I have lying around, and what I have to work to get my hands on. By looking at their occupations and their level of shyness, I can pretty much tell exactly what I should give them as a gift. Shy intellectual? Odd stuff from the mine. Brawny manly-man? Booze. Girlie flower guy? Girlie stuff and shiny things. Tough guy? Items relating to his "passion".
The final step is to find that special gift and bombard them with it every day.
6 A.M.? "I BROUGHT YOU A PRESENT!" Going to the bathroom? "TAKE THIS, IT'S FOR YOU!" Fishing? "STOP THAT AND TAKE THIS THING!" Quiet family dinner? "Excuse me guys but, I GOT YOU THIS GIFT!" Hiding in the house with the door locked? Stand outside knocking until I can get in and "WHY WAS THE DOOR LOCKED?! NEVER MIND HERE YOU GO!"
After a few seasons of this, there's no way they could turn me down. Luckily, all humans wear their hearts on the outside and I can see that his is big and red and thumpy! (unless they hide a diary in odd places with cryptic "She is...." messages in it. Weirdos...) Time to get hitched! Now all I have to do is run to the store, buy a big bed and a feather, and get the lucky guy to say yes.
Next comes baby! A few seasons of my loving relationship (we need to see a councilor about why he always says the same things to me....) and I'm about to pop! No time to stop the farming, though. As soon as I give birth, it's back to the field to take care of the animals!
Soon we'll be a happy family with a baby dressed in the customary mouse outfit and reflecting his father's personality almost exactly! How wonderful it is to live in a Harvest Moon!